Friday, January 4, 2013

They Understand So Much

One of the things that I am continually surprised about when parenting, is how much young children (specifically babies and toddlers) understand.  Patrick and I have tried to parent in a way that takes advantage of this. Though, due to the large age gap between our children, it took us a little bit to remember with our second that she knew what we were saying, she was just choosing to disobey us.  Here are a couple examples to show what I am talking about.  My daughter is almost 18 months old.

Example #1
This evening after dinner the following exchange took place.

Evelyn: (Upon getting out of her high chair she ran towards the refrigerator, arms outstretched and communicated her usual...) "eh eh eh" (By the way, one of the most annoying noises in the world is the demanding and loud, "eh eh eh".)

Me: Evelyn, would you like a bottle of milk? (This is the only reason she ever goes to the fridge.)

Evelyn: "eese" (please, without the "p")

Me: "If you would like to have a bottle of milk, you first need to get ready for bed."

Evelyn: "eese"

Me: (I repeat the above and add) "you need to sit down and take off your pants, take off your shirt, get your pajamas, and your diaper, and after you are ready for bed you may have your milk."

Evelyn proceeds to take off her pants and shirt (with a little help, the mechanical skills aren't there yet), take me to her room to help find the pajamas, and diaper, and then she brought them to her father to change her (I told her to).  She and Patrick played for a bit, and fifteen minutes later, she was already for bed and she came back to me, pointed to the bottle and repeated her please.  I told her that if she wanted her bottle she would have to stop playing and go to bed.  She hugged and kissed me, took her bottle, grabbed Patrick's hand, and led him to her room.

Example #2
Ever since Evelyn was about six months old, we have not been able to sit through the entirety of a Mass.  At one point or other, usually after about only 20 minutes, she starts making lots of noise and we have to spend the rest of the Mass either standing behind some glass doors on the side, or in the back.  Three weeks ago we decided that she is old enough to sit through Mass.  So, before Mass the next Sunday, we said to her, "Evelyn, we are going to Mass and you need to sit quietly while we are in Church.  You can't be crying and fussing and making lots of noise.  It is not a time to play, it is a time to listen and  worship God.  If we have to take you outside because you are being too noisy, we will give you a spanking, and then bring you back to our pew."  Throughout the service if she started getting a little bit noisy or especially wiggly, we would whisper a reminder to her, and she would stop. We have now sat through two Sundays with Evelyn  in the pew for the entire service. Patrick had to take her outside once, and then the next time he got up to take her out, she said, "shhhh, shhhh" and put her finger over her lips, and was quiet.

Now, I am not discussing this in order to just tell little anecdotes about my child, I am merely stating what I believe to be true based upon personal experiences.  We often think that just because they can't really talk and they throw little baby tantrums by stomping their feet that they are too young to understand the word "no" or anything else that we are saying.  We seem to think that it is okay for a child to kick and scream, as long as they are young enough, because they don't know better.  It is amazing how quickly children learn how to disobey.  Children are masters of selective hearing. We are the parents and they need to obey us, no matter how much, at times, they don't want to.  Do not let a toddler rule your home with their tantrums.  One of the things that I am always working on, and sometimes failing with, is to remember to just speak calmly and explain clearly.  Sometimes kids just like to know "why" they are doing something, and if we tell them, they might be a bit more willing to obey. Because they understand so much, it also means that they are constantly watching and seeing the example that we are setting for them. 
   


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