Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Do What You Must!

I have a mantra that I say to my kids, “do what you Have to do, then do what you Want to do.” While this does not work with every given situation, it does hold true for many areas of our lives. Of course, the best case scenario is when we Want to do what we Have to do, but that doesn’t always happen. The last time I said this to my son I thought to myself, “Do I do this? Am I a good example of this to my children?”
My life is made up of a lot of tasks that I don’t really Want to do. I don’t like to clean bathrooms, I don’t like to dust, I like to cook (when I’m alone, not exhausted, have tons of time, and it is fall, so, not often). I don’t particularly enjoy washing dishes, mopping floors, or doing laundry. Vacuuming, on the other hand, can be therapeutic.  I would much rather read, write, walk, run, eat, drink coffee, talk, play a game, or do a myriad of things other than what I have to do each day. But, I must do what I Have to do, before I can do what I Want to do.
 When I think about it, there actually isn’t very much in housekeeping that I enjoy doing. But yet, I love being a homemaker.  There are aspects that I find enjoyable: baking a good loaf of bread; having a clean bathroom; clean sheets; clothes nicely folded and ironed; good, homemade food; a clean and cozy room.  What I like is order and the peace that usually comes with it.  Yet in order to have the one, I need to accomplish the other. I have to actually clean the bathroom in order to enjoy a clean bathroom, etc. 

Should I, therefore, go about my day lamenting the monotonous tasks that I need to do or thinking, just get this done and I can move on? Of course, that is a trick question. I don’t have to enjoy something to take pride in it, to work at it Joyfully, to perform the task with love. Too often in this world people Don’t do something because they don’t find it Fun! We are easily bored, and when we are bored, we sometimes give up.  Life isn’t easy and sometimes it is downright hard to do the right thing, but that is what I am trying to teach my children, and myself, do the Right thing, no matter how I Feel about it. We are our choices, not our feelings. So choose to do what is right, and remember, “I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me.” Even clean the bathrooms, AGAIN.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Unintentional Science Experiment

If you have ever wondered what cookies are like when you forget the baking soda, now you know.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

A Lesson Regarding Cooking

I love to cook and I love to eat good food.  When we were first married I taught high school English.  The school I worked at was three minutes away from our apartment so I could easily be home by 3:30 or so every day.  My husband worked in a job with consistent hours so he was always home by 5:00. The way that I would relax when I got home was I would leisurely make a nice dinner and have it ready, with the table set, by the time he walked in the door.  I loved the peace and quiet and the enjoyment that came from making things nice and comfortable for my husband when he walked in the door.  Now, nine years later, things are a bit different.  We have three children, his work hours are erratic, and cooking has become more of a chore than a pleasure. I still love good food and I still love to eat it, but I have come to realize that, for my current time in life, there are some things that I need to compromise on, and this area is one of them.  Does that mean that I am willing to eat microwavable food or five ingredient meals or meat that has become mush in the crockpot because it just had a can of soup dumped over it? No. My compromise is that I make more casseroles than I use to and, upon occasion, we might have to eat a soup that is made of a bunch of canned goods dumped together rather than with all fresh ingredients. (More on this at another time, I hope.) All this being said, here is something connected with cooking that I have learned over the years.
Lesson: Don't be a messy cook. I grew up with a small kitchen and I have continued to have small kitchens throughout my married life.  I dream of someday having a huge kitchen with lots of counter space and a giant walk-in pantry, but it probably won't ever happen.  But, there is a lot to be said for small kitchens.  One great things is that it teaches you to be a tidy cook.  When your kitchen is small you have to learn to clean a bit as you cook, and if you have a small kitchen and don't do this, I would strongly recommend making an attempt to start this practice.  This isn't something that helps you enjoy the cooking process more, it helps you not go crazy over the clean-up.  I am tired by the time that I start doing the dishes (as my husband his helping get the kids ready for bed, this is my time to be alone) and the last thing I want is to be in the kitchen for an hour as I try to clean up the mess.  If you clean as you go, then you should primarily be washing the dishes that you at off of, putting food away, and cleaning the pots that the food actually cooked in.  This is a much easier process than when you add in the mess from dinner prep as well.
  Also, learn to make some good casseroles.  Casseroles are great because you make dinner, stick it in the oven, and while it bakes, you can clean the kitchen.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

I Don't Fit Anywhere

As is my want at the beginning of a new year, I am reinvigorated to live my life well.  I am re-motivated to be healthy, to exercise (to lose some weight), to be organized, keep the house clean, say my prayers each day and read the bible, to do an excellent job homeschooling, get to bed early, rise early, stick to my budget, meal plan, and the list could go on.  Basically, I once again want to  strive to be perfect, or at least, as perfect as I possibly can be. The result of this said desire, I spend too much time looking at home organization, cooking, homemaking, and budgeting blogs.  What have I learned from all of my research? I don't fit into any category.  It actually makes me a feel a bit like I am alone, like there is no one else like me.  This is a silly thought, of course, as I know that I am not completely unique when it comes to homemaking, but I sometimes feel alone.
   I can't follow people's ideas on organization.  If you look at the Better Homes and Gardens magazine you will often see articles on "25 Ways to Organize Your Home", or something like that.  I like to look at these articles but they actually don't help me at all because I run into the problem that, I don't have a spare closet to convert into a beautiful office space, I don't have a laundry room where I can build lots of shelves and hanging racks and tables for folding, and I just cannot afford to build lots of shelves and drawers into my bedroom closet.  As much as I like to look at these things, they just aren't practical for my lifestyle.  I don't have the money or the room to make my house look the way I would like to make it look.
   I also have one thing that these people don't seem to have, a 15 month old child who will grab the cute storage boxes off of the tables or just use them as stepping stools to reach another level of items that she is not supposed to have. This child (and her 3 1/2 year old sister and 7 year old brother) are also the reasons why I can't exercise at the same time each morning, or go for a run in the afternoon, or basically do anything that I want to do exactly when I want to because life happens and things come up and children misbehave or they don't obey, or they spill that milk (AGAIN), or they cry because they have to do school today (just like they do every day, so I don't know why it is a surprise that I am, once again, telling them to do their math.). 
  Why can't I find another woman out there who has young kids, homeschools, lives in a small house, doesn't work outside the home, is on a tight budget, LOVES food, enjoys cooking (even if she doesn't have tons of time for it), is trying to keep a clean house but is constantly battling those around her, has a husband who works all the time so, as much as he would like to help, he can't do too much around the house, and who just gets tired of doing it all so she sometimes fails because there are days where she is lazy.  Wait, I do know people like that, WE ARE ALL JUST TOO BUSY TO BLOG ABOUT IT.  (Says the woman writing on a blog, but notice, there are reasons that I usually have five months between blog entries.)
    The point of all of this rambling is to say that I am going to share the lessons I have learned about homemaking in the real world and what I do to keep my head afloat.  It may be a lesson today and another in three months when I finally get around to it, but I'm going to share what I learn. Even if it is for no other reason than to have something that I can look back on in three months (when I no longer feel like keeping house etc.) and remind myself that these are the things I need to do in order to make a nice home for my family.

Lesson # 1:  Do Dinner Prep While Making Breakfast.

I'm reading a wonderful book on home organization (hopefully I will have a moment to share more about it when I get the chance.) But in this book, it made the suggestion that rather than cleaning up twice, do some of the dinner prep at breakfast time since I am already cleaning the kitchen.  This is especially helpful when making soup because I can chop the onions, carrots, and celery, and then store them in the refrigerator until dinnertime.  I also like this as 5:00 is the witching hour and kids tend to go a bit insane at this time, especially the baby.  Therefore, it is always nice to have some of the dinner prep done so as to save time.    It is also good to take a moment to think about dinner in the morning, so that I can take anything out of the freezer that I will need in the evening. 

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Life and Work: By Erica and Patrick

    The other day as I was running, I started thinking about life and how, for some—for most in our society—the pursuit of pleasure is extremely important.  So important in fact, that it is seen as being the highest goal of one’s life. Carpe Diem! Seize the Day! But what exactly does this even mean? I thought how, if this was my view, if I were to believe that life, this all too brief life, were all that there is, then that would be extremely depressing. Our lives speed by in the blink of an eye.  One comment that parents hear so very often is, “it goes by so fast.” It does, it all goes by so very fast. Therefore, if this is it, if this is all that there is, then I should be an extremely depressed individual because life is hard. Fortunately, this is not what I believe. 

     This thought—how glad I am that the pursuit of pleasure and my personal happiness is not the most important thing in life—was running my though my head the other night at dinner when I told Patrick that Sebastian had been complaining a bit about doing school. Patrick turned to Sebastian and gave him one of the best little “pep talks” that I have ever heard. I found it to be especially wonderful because it was something that I also needed to hear. (When this conversation took place I had just had several days of feeling extremely unmotivated and tired of doing it all.)  This is the gist of what he said.

      Life is about work, we don’t just get to do whatever we want. We act as if we have some innate right to play and to have fun and to do whatever we want, but that is not life. Life is work. We need to not resent this, but rather take joy and pride in a job well done. We need to strive to do our work to the best of our ability and, through our work, to draw closer to God. We need to sanctify our work and, through it, to become more holy. Our inclination is to resent our work and, oftentimes, to try to find ways out of it. We procrastinate or complete our tasks grudgingly, viewing them as obstacles that are in the way of us getting on with our lives and doing whatever we desire. This is the devil talking as he would like nothing more than for us to focus upon ourselves and our own desires and “me” time. Life is about work, take joy in it, take pride in it, and you will honor God through it.  

   Work as gift!: work is the normal mode of life for most people in most places, from youth to old age, and it always has been; and this is appropriate. Work is one of the primary means God has given us to use the gifts He has given us and to participators in His divine plan for creation. Even in Paradise, there was work!: “The LORD God then took the man and settled him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and care for it” (Gen. 2:15). 

    This does not mean that work is the highest mode of life. Leisure, especially worship, the highest form of leisure, most perfectly expresses our ultimate purpose and place in God’s order, but in this life we are granted only small foretastes of this eternal bliss, in which our spirits will rest finally and completely in our Lord.

     The attitude that work is merely imposition, curse, something ultimately to be gotten through (the assignment, the work day, the work week, the semester) to attain the weekend, the next vacation, retirement—this attitude is poisonous to earthly contentment, not only because it is contrary to the spirit of gratitude that should characterize every Christian life, but more basically because it runs counter to the normal mode of human existence.
Much of this attitude is rather implicit and subconscious than it is explicit and actively cultivated. And it seems to me that a normal childhood (even otherwise entirely healthy childhood) as part of a modern first-world family (even a deeply Christian, culturally-traditional family) breeds this sense of life-as-leisure almost unavoidably. Think of the families you know whose children only read good books, who never watch TV, who spend time playing and exploring outdoors, who are required to help around the house, etc., etc. Quite healthy, to be sure, but even so, those children’s lives are still dominated by leisure, by play—a few chores, a few hours of schoolwork, and the remainder of the day free for play. Don’t believe it? Just compare the lives of any child you know with the lives of children in most times and places—even to the lives of my parents, who were raised on farms and from a very young age were actively engaged in the daily rhythms of workaday life. 

     Now surely the freedom our children have now to learn through play, through exploration, is a great gift in many respects. Who of us would wish on our children the necessity of “growing up” before they have had the chance to be children? But I work every day with 18- to 22-year-old children from very sensible, even remarkable, families, children with a deep devotion to our Lord and a basic desire to be and to do good. And these same children are handicapped—just as I was and still am—by having lived the first 18 (and more) years of their lives largely in leisure or at least oriented unrelentingly toward leisure (the end of the school day, the end of the school week, etc.). One might think that six or seven hours spent in school and more spent in extracurricular activities is hardly a life of leisure—and in many respects it is not—but I don’t recall school being particularly challenging (quite the opposite, and boring to boot); and my extracurricular activities were hardly work, though they did require some measure of sacrifice. 

     The end result of all this, which is terribly exacerbated by the typical college experience, even in “good” schools, is young people for whom work is always something to be gotten through or around as quickly and efficiently as possible so that the real business of life—being with friends, “vegging,” partying, sleeping—can be gotten on with and maximized. And it is worth emphasizing that for those persons who have this expectation about life, precisely those who work hardest to maximize their leisure time, for them “leisure” is the least substantial, and is characterized primarily by mere absence of any obligation—we have all felt the call of a television at the end of the day, that powerful attraction to a purely passive “relaxation.” Hence the statistic that the average American watches something like four hours of television a day. Brainless passivity is the highest form of relaxation as it is the furthest from anything requiring work, physical or mental. 

     The inordinate desire for leisure breeds acedia, that deep existential boredom which is also discouragement vis-à-vis the normal patterns and routines of daily life; Aquinas-via-Pieper tells us that acedia, which is not laziness but is closely akin to it, is most fundamentally a sadness in the face of our high calling. He who suffers acedia, true sloth, “would prefer to be less great in order thus to avoid the obligation of greatness” (Faith, Hope, Love, my emphasis).

      Again, this is largely a subconscious orientation or expectation about life, but all the more powerful for that. And it is difficult to see how to combat it, if I am right about what I said above about even the most well-structured childhood in our society. Awareness of the dangers seems to be the first step toward counteracting this powerful psychological force. Secondly, and most importantly, we must demonstrate to our children by our example a healthy gratitude for and joy in work—even a certain ambition, understood as magnanimity, a desire for great things in our normal routines of work—and a concomitant appreciation of authentic leisure.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Better Late Than Never: My Opinion About the Twilight Series

    I was just reading a very old blog post called, “Why You Can’t Read Twilight, a Letter to my Daughter."  I then made the mistake of starting to read some of the comments that were left—something that I should never do as it always makes me angry because I tend to read things about three years after they were written and therefore, anything that I want to say about the topic is now completely irrelevant.  So, instead of uselessly ranting on a two-year-old blog post, I am going to tell you why I believe that the Twilight books are actually dangerous for teenage (and the “Oh, Too Young To Be Reading These Books in the First Place” pre-teen) girls. I am going to skip over the writing style and skill (or lack thereof) of the authoress and purely address the basic storyline and emotional appeal that these books have upon the reader.
    The main character, Bella Swan, completely ordinary.  When she describes herself she says that she is average. Dark hair, small, non-athletic, not terribly popular, but smart, a girl who loves to read. The author has just describes most high school girls.  This heroine is not the star of the basketball/softball/soccer/track/whatever, team, she is not the cheerleader that dates the star quarterback or the lead in the high school musical, she is not the valedictorian, but she is also not the nerdiest girl in her class.  Bella Swan is every other average girl who doesn’t feel special in any particular way. Boys don’t really pay attention to her, while she is a good student, she isn’t the best, she is insecure, at times awkward, and very clumsy.  What you have here is a girl who wants to be special, but isn’t.  Most girls are drawn to this heroine because this is them.  Honestly, this was me in high school. While I wasn’t especially clumsy or insecure, I was everything else. “Nice” looking, definitely not the best looking girl in the class, a decent athlete, not the star, a good student, not the valedictorian, no boys paid attention to me, I wasn’t asked to lots of parties, I spent lots of time reading. I was average. Girls will be drawn to Bella Swan, they will like her (though at times they may find her obnoxious), but, for the most part, they will identify with her. 
    Bella moves to a new town and all of a sudden, she becomes really interesting.  People want to be around her, lots of boys ask her out, and most importantly, the “most beautiful” guy in school, the “popular guy” the one that every girl is secretly in love with but who doesn’t pay attention to any of them, wants to date her. This is most high school girls’ dream. So the reader is hooked, the reader identifies with the heroine, the reader is emotionally involved because she wants this to happen to her. (This of course all plays out in about the first half of the first book.)  From here, the rest of the story starts to unfold, but I’m not really going to get into all of that.  What concerns me the most is not everything that happens in the middle, which is bad enough, but the end.
     First of all, Stephanie Meyers has taken an evil tradition and turned it on its head.  Traditionally, vampires are evil. Vampires are soulless, blood-sucking monsters (as seen in books such as Dracula). People have attempted to alter this tradition as the popularity of vampires has risen. The TV show Angel portrayed a vampire with a soul, who unlike all other vampires around him, feels remorse for his evil deeds (because he has a soul) and therefore, he doesn’t drink human blood and tries to help people. The TV show The Vampire Diaries puts forward the idea that the vampires are able to do good because they have a “humanity” switch.  When they still have their humanity they feel remorse and have some sense of right and wrong.  However, if they “turn off their humanity” they become the monsters.  Both of these ideas still address the issue that vampires = monsters = bad. In the Twilight series, this issue is presented as a “lifestyle choice”—“will I drink human blood and thereby kill people or will I eat from animals?” Some very nice and “good” vampires choose not to drink animal blood.  This whole, “Vampires Kill People” thing is really glossed over.  Rather than vampires being represented as bad, they are actually compared to angels.  Throughout the books when Bella describes Edward, she talks about his, “angelic face” or how he is more “angel than monster.” The vampires “sparkle in the sun.  They are more angel than demon. 
     Lastly, when Bella becomes a vampire, she is transformed from something completely average, to something extremely special.  She doesn’t just become a vampire, she becomes the most special and best vampire around. She is graceful, drop-dead gorgeous, extremely rich, super smart, and she has special powers.  She says at one point that she was basically born to be a vampire. Then, at the end of the books, she gets to live, FOREVER, with tons of money and clothes, in paradise with everyone that she loves. Just living their ordinary lives, together, forever, while being beautiful and special.
   As a reader, once I finish the books what have I learned here? I can be amazing if I have a guy who loves me like Edward loves her, and if I become a vampire.  And this is why I think that these are especially dangerous books. In a vampire obsessed culture, emotionally vulnerable girls (and frankly, this is most high schoolers), are being shown something that is evil, but it is represented as being good, beautiful, and an answer to all of one’s wildest dreams.
    Will I let my daughters read these books? No, because no good can come from it, but plenty of harm could be done.  “But, does it really matter what they read as long as they are reading?” Of course it matters.  That is like saying, “Does it matter what they eat as long as they are eating?” If your child will only eat chocolate and nothing else, they will die from malnutrition.  Do I allow my children to read trashy romance novels (which I have not read but I do know that these days most are EXTREMELY graphic) but say that it is okay because, “at least they are reading”? No, and I’m sure most every parent would agree with me. So where do we draw the line? I’m a parent, so I must be the parent, and sometimes that means making the hard choice (or in this case, not so hard).

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Hold Them to Higher Standards

      Parenting has changed a lot since I was a child.  There are a lot of different views on parenting out there, and like diet plans, the “professionals” are constantly changing their opinions of what is “good for the child.” Many of these changes are bad, a few of them are good.  One change that is prevalent today and, I believe has life-long consequences for children, is how little we expect of them.  We excuse poor behavior in our children because we act like they are incapable of knowing better.  But then, if we don’t teach them the right way to behave or hold them to that higher standard, of course they will behave badly. These children will then grow up to expect less of themselves because nothing was ever asked of them when they were kids. If we are constantly making excuses for them now, rather than requiring change, then they will make excuses for themselves for the rest of their lives. 

        A three-year old hits her brother and refuses to share. “You are just being ornery today.” (When Evelyn is being a stinker she is constantly telling me, "I just being ornery") Yes, this is true, but it does not make the behavior acceptable.  This is not an excuse, it is a fact, and it needs to be dealt with.  If a parent allows a child to behave poorly just because they are in a bad mood, that parent is teaching their child that it is acceptable to be ruled by their emotions. You feel tired, you feel cranky, therefore, it is okay that you refuse to share and that you are constantly yelling and throwing temper tantrums.  These behaviors are never acceptable. The child that is taught that it is okay to act like this when they aren’t feeling their best, is the child that will grow up to say whatever unkind thing they want just because they aren’t in a good mood.  It is not okay for me to yell at my kids just because I didn’t get enough sleep last night. We need to train our children on how to control their behavior as it relates to their emotions.    

        “My four-year old Can’t sit still for church.” No, your four-year old doesn’t Want to sit still through church. They are capable of doing so, it just isn’t easy.  If children are constantly allowed to squirm around in their seat, crawl on the ground under the pew, get up and dance around in the aisle, then by the time they are seven (or whatever age) and you tell them that it is time to start sitting still, this transition is going to be really hard because they have never done it. However, if you start with the idea that, “church is a place where we show proper respect towards God, not a playground” then the child will learn from a young age that some things are appropriate behaviors and some are not.  They will learn how to sit still, bit by bit, and get used to it. Will this require a constant effort on the part of the parents and consistency when it comes to disciplining naughtiness? Of course, but it is necessary in order to teach the child that we need to do what is right, even if it isn’t the easy thing to do.

       A six-year old refuses to look someone in the eye and say hello. “He is just shy” His mother excuses him. Of course he is shy, lots of kids that age are, but they can still be taught the manners to look at someone and say “hello.” You are not asking them to have a prolonged conversation with a stranger, just show the common curtesy of a word of greeting. By teaching a child to look past the shyness, we are teaching them a life-long skill when it comes to communicating with other people in the world, no matter how they feel.

        Children actually like to be challenged. If you hold a child to a higher standard, then (after much work and patience) they are going to rise up to meet it. Does this need to be balanced with a healthy recognition that kids are kids, of course. Like all areas of parenting there is give and take and no one extreme is right. Parenting requires a great deal of common sense. But if you want your child to behave well, you need to clearly communicate what is acceptable behavior and what is not, and teach them how to achieve that. Raising children is not an area of our lives where we can just sit back and take a break. There is constant involvement, work, and love required until the day when we let them go and pray that we taught them well.